burn liars burn ·
13 January 06

Yesterday I went to see my care cordinator and the team psychiatrist. Since I’ve been on Olanzapine, my weight has increased. In a couple of months I put on a stone in weight, around 10-15KGs for those who don’t know what a stone is. Yes, it is a mineral, but in this case we’re talking how much mass I have gained.

So this is something that has bothered me for quite some time. It’s got be depressed, and more over it’s affected my health. When I get up in the mornings, I am tired, lethargic. Normally I can walk several miles without dying. Since I’ve been on the medication this has changed dramatically.

I did a test, you see, to try to determine I was so unfit. I’ve liced with a decent metabolism, where no matter what I drank or ate, or how much I did so, I never put on weight. My weight was always perfect for my height and age, and it’s always been steady and neutral in this regard.

So, the first time the medication affects me physically is when I go out to see my friends. I walked no more than 250m before I started to feel heavy, my legs started to ache, and I needed to rest. It was completely shocking for me, because I’d never been like this before. I tried to walk some more, but felt my lower legs cramping up in agony, lactic acid (I think it is) was rising, slowing me down and making me almost crawl. I had money to get a bus, but I chose not to since I did this run to the station without problem before.

The crux of the matter was I needed to change my medication which they duly did

It was almost shameful the way I could barely move, since I’d turned into the fat bastard from hell. I felt this excess fat around my stomach and waist. It only then hit me that it could be that I’ve put weight on rather quickly. I couldn’t prove this as I was smoking while I was walking and therefore it could have been the cig that was telling me it’s killing me.

Once more, I was on my way out, I didn’t smoke anything for about half the journey and yet again I was cramping up and getting tired. In one journey, I walked a mile, but stopped three times because my legs felt as though they had caved in.

This brings me to the appointment that I had with the two people, and I had threatened to stop my medication if they didn’t see me any sooner. We exchanged pleasentries, and sat down. We discussed quite a lot and a rather speedy level. I was still exhausted from walking, and was trying to ignore the pain.

The crux of the matter was I needed to change my medication which they duly did, we also talked about housing and so on, but that wasn’t my main concern. I felt angry that I wasn’t told how obessive Olanzapine can make a person about eating.

It was almost shameful the way I could barely move, since I’d turned into the fat bastard from hell.

Try to imagine that you could never feel full, that everytime you ate, you ate more afterwards, and the only time you couldn’t eat was when you were sleeping. When you wake up, you’re hungry. You go for a shit, you’re still hungry. You eat three bowls of cereal and 12 bananas, and you’re still hungry.

You have a plate of vegetables, chicken and chips, on top of which you make yourself a bowl of rice. You fall flat out on your bed, clutching your fat, over sized belly which is about to burst, dying of indegestion and horrible pain. Yet, you’re still hungry.

I was like this since October, but now hopefully things will change. I just feel I’ve been duped a little, and that it could been worse than it turned out. Hopefully the new meds will work and help me control my weight.