fast sleep, slow dream ·
14 December 07

It’s been three days since I’ve slept, and instead of feeling maniacal, I feel rather relaxed and chilled. I have no idea when I will sleep, or if I will, I know, however, that I’m not as frustrated about it than I normally am.

I go to bed, I toss and turn under the duvet, I start scratching at the wall, I stare at the ceiling, then at the wall as carry on scratching it, and eventually I get up and sit at my computer desk. I browse the Internet for something that will provide enough boredom to help me sleep, but still be easily digestible for a person in a state of despair, for want of a better word, of lacking sleep.

Sitting in front of the computer doesn’t offer me the reward of sleep, and I then have to hope that there’s enough new content on the Internet to keep me busy and tired enough to make me want to go back to bed and try sleeping again. Minus the wall scratching.

Sometimes I’ll visit a site and repeatedly hit “F5” to refresh the page in some hope that there will be something new to read, because I’ve already read most of what’s on a site already. I traverse the web not for information that will further my knowledge or aid me in learning new skills, but to find the mundane, the boring, the type of content suitable for the lonely, sleep depraved animal that feels the constant nagging of sleep, but never quite achieves that goal.

I’ve shaved, and showered, though not strictly in that order. I feel refreshed, and yet I also still feel rather tiresome. I ordered pizza, nachos and garlic bread with cheese, and yet I still remain hungry having filled my belly with heart attack food.

Every time I think about the amount of cheese I digest when eating such food, my mind visualises umpteen simultaneous heart attacks striking me down with vicious venom. Snake like in their approach, and never giving away their position until the final strike, too late for the victim to remove himself, or herself, from the danger. It’s not very exhilarating, and just a bothersome idea.

Superb! I have won five hundred thousand euros. Yes, it’s a phishing scam, but what the hell, you only live once, right? I still find it amusing that so many people get suckered into all this shit. I don’t want to say they deserve, in case there is a God and he decides to give me a taste of my own spite, but they shouldn’t be so keen to click on anything that panders to their own greed so quickly. They do sort of deserve it.

Sods law states that I’ll be getting my karmic comeuppance soon enough. I think I already feel in the result of over eating processed food in the form of the pizza, nachos and garlic bread with cheese. Heart attack fever is going to be all the rage in a decade or so. Live for the thrill, your own heart attack experience. Be at the cusp of death’s door, and reveal your hidden fears, only to be saved with electric paddles and a jolt of eel juice straight from the donkey’s breast.

There isn’t much care in what I’m doing these days, but that’s OK, because the lords of glory fun will tell me what to do next. As I follow their guidance with great haste, my world will turn to dust in a matter of hours while I clean my pin stripe pyjamas, and order two kegs of alcoholic poison from a blind monkey’s ear. It’s all natural baby, and I ain’t apologising for the lack of hygiene either. If I did it would be a very long conversation resulting in lots of dead pygmies and crying fairies.

I think it’s time for my medication.