kids, marriage – the circus ·
24 October 04

I hate kids. I hate them probably because I hate myself and yet I’m also proud of myself in many respects. All of my values about marriage and children stem from the experiences of my own childhood. It’s fair to say it has changed my whole outlook on children, marriage, and trust, and love.

If I have any kids, they will either be:

1) Disobedient

2) Getting drunk, screwing around, taking drugs and caring little about their studies simply because as each generation comes, with it new distractions arrive and the kids entertain shorter attention spans

3) Be more disrespectful to their elders than this or any other previous generation has. Back in the day, if your parents or any adult with authority asked you to do something, kids that rebelled would be punished, but the majority now don’t care for rules. This is quite concerning as another group of young kids grow up, they seem to care less for this world and the rules they live by.

4) I wouldn’t trust anyone to have kids with. That’s probably a personal thing. But marriage, from the exponential increase in divorce rates no longer seems to have the strength it once did. Back in the day, through two world wars, and countless others, marriages were bound forever, through thick and thin. The young these days don’t understand what it means to commit, to keep a promise, to keep their vows. They see it as a contract, which they can escape if they feel like it. no one cares about marriage, no one cares about the bond between two people, it’s all become frivolous, and I wouldn’t bring want t have children, knowing that two months down the line she may want a divorce and the law takes away my kids because, hey, ALL mothers are better parents, right?

5) The world is more dangerous than it has ever been. Back in school, some kids argued that they wouldn’t bring up their kids in a world where people were still killing each other, where a Thatcherism era would turn them into wannabe-fat cats and step on those below them. Their values would be skewed and distorted, and they even end up dead. I don’t think I would be prepared to take the risk that if I was to have kids, they become involved in some sort of terror attack and are annihilated. It wouldn’t be the best birthday present ever, but I guess it’s the modern day equivalent.

I used to read about articles where a guy went around sleeping with over a thousand women, without using protection and contracted a disease. I was more fascinated by sex as a kid.

6) I have no interest in getting married or having kids as such. Although I say I hate kids, it has entered my mind to consider adoption or fostering. there are a lot of kids without parents, and I think, although no one wants the responsibility, perhaps we need to look at ourselves and try to be less selfish in bringing new children into this world, when there are many suffering in torment at having none. Again, a personal thing.

7) I would rather help kids than have them. that is to say, providing assistance to hospices, charities and such that deal with orphans, children that are dying and need someone with them for their last few months to take care of them and such. When there is that much responsibility to be taken up in this world, I don’t think I have the right to have kids myself. Once I secure myself a middle of the road job, I can save my money and starting doing this. In some ways it would be like being a surrogate father to these children. I dunno.

I once made a promise, long ago, perhaps when I was 11 years old. I made the promise to a friend, in passing. We were talking about this or that, but somehow marriage came up. When you’re that age, you think you’re the Don Juan of the world. “Yeah I don’t need to get married, I’ll just sleep with as many girls as I can”. I used to read about articles where a guy went around sleeping with over a thousand women, without using protection and contracted a disease. I was more fascinated by sex as a kid. As a consequence of one particular conversation, I promised that I wouldn’t get married.

This may subconciously be engraved in my memory, and my brain, and perhaps is a blockade of actually getting with anyone. I always remember it, I always think about it, and I also seem to adhere to it. Twice I brought it up with two different girlfriends, who I subsequently dumped. But I had alrteady outlined my plan of non-compliance with marriage and if they wanted someone forever they were better off looking elsewhere; I had no interest in marrying them or anyone else.

Marriage is circus that, after all the fanfare, the cake, the church, the bridal dress, the brides maid; it’s all a farce. It’s a kid gloves approach to the reality of marriage. I don’t like facades, nor nonsense. For every girl that wants a beautiful wedding, I say grow the fuck up. This isn’t a marriage, it’s an episode of “Dreams – Not a Reality”. You get married, you sign the paper, the world does not change over you r marriage, your relationships shouldn’t change with the person you are with, and you should be as committed before as you are now and will be.

To think that a fucking marriage will somehow cement a relationship is retarded. If you need marriage to fix that bond, you also need to get your fucking head checked and accept that in reality, your relationship was nothing before the marriage and this was just to realise a fucking conditional dream that has been imposed upon you by women from previous generations. “My little darling is gonna have a white wedding! Let’s play Alice gets married with the dolls shall we?”. Once the wedding is over, your lives are almost the same. You still face the same obstacles as you did yesterday, and you [i]still[/i] face that fucking issue of commitment. Why fucking pretend otherwise? Are you a fucking moron? Wake up idiot!

So a big fuck you to your marriage and your kids. As I grow older, I may change my mind, I don’t doubt that the possibility exists. Right now, they can all go to hell. Although if there someone I would probably go for it would be….