the cure? ·
31 May 11

No long story, just want to some serious answers. I am currently taken the max dosage of Duloxetine which works well – i was off it for a week because my GP fucked me over, so I was a wreck and anxious, and they work by reducing all that, but I thought schiz caused depression would be gone if the voice hearings stopped. Which they almost have. Though I was hallucinating a today.

I can’t talk to my GP because he’s not an expert, I’m going to visit my shrink next week (my 12th in 2 years because they lack budget) maybe she will have some answers. But I’m hoping people here will have had some experience with it. I was told to consider homoeopathy and take: opium syphillinum anacardium Diluted of course, the middle one is infected syhpillus tissue!

Some say do yoga, I can’t do that. I tried meditation and had some really dark thoughts and memories, to point it was making me worse and enforcing my impulsive violent nature. I’m running out of ideas. Feeling dead inside and having no faith in anything is a real downer. Some of my friends say I should just accept life as it is, and it might stop the depression, but I never feel saisfied about ANYTHING, friends, love, knowledge. I need MOAR!

What can I do? I have so many questions about life, and no one has any answers

EDIT: I’m also in love, but the love isn’t reciprocated and that person tried to kill herself too, and that is what triggered off my emotional fireworks and red flags because I saw a lot of her in me, and well, her threat to kill herself, really pushed me because it took me several hours of talking her out of it, and then encouraging her with jokes which made her laugh and smile and then she said she apologised, and that she could see it was silly idea. I think she’s in love with someone else. But she says maybe maybe not, no straight answer. And if I get a straight answer now I think she will say no.

That triggered and coupled with my lack of anti depressants for a week fucked me up real bad that i went back to smoking, drinking and doing hard drugs to cope.

I’m such a fucking weakling. I love her more than as a friend annd believe she deserves better. Maybe I’ll help her find the right guy, then I can go rest in peace.