vampire clawz ·
26 November 04

It’s been an odd holiday season. I was close to being broke beyond comprehension while still owing money. This would have been a shitty little xmas, instead it’ll just be shitty and almost little. Did you know I’m not a celebration type of guy?

So I had this fucking idea in my head since November, of how to do something alternative for Xmas using my uber 1337 art skills. You probably aren’t aware, but in my spare time I make incredible art work, and I only show the crappiest here, because that’s all you deserve.

Secretly though, I am amazing at all these fancy art programs including, but not limited to: Photowhore 203, PaintShopShithole and of course everyones favourite UselessCrap Ver 8. I can’t express how cool my skills are. You know those drawings that kids do when they’re about 3 years old? I’m easily better than that shit! If you mounted that crap, everyone would know you’re a lying fuck.

It’s a biproduct of denying myself all forms of sexual activity and living a life of a monk – except I can’t be a monk, because I think I’d be too horny to lead a life celibacy and would walk around with an erection in temples.

You probably didn’t know that I also ran the world in my sleep. It’s not something I like to boast about, and sometimes I accidently start wars when I get horny in my dreams. It’s a biproduct of denying myself all forms of sexual activity and living a life of a monk – except I can’t be a monk, because I think I’d be too horny to lead a life celibacy and would walk around with an erection in temples. That would give me BAD KARMA. Bad karma is the opposite of GOOD KARMA which is what you want more of. It’s also part of Karma, which is the name for, er, Karma. What is Karma? Why should I explain this to you? Use fucking Google idiot!

So anyway, I have this thing for girls that like to read books, or can actually construct a sentence together, instead of showing a bit of leg and talking in a slutty voice – that has its place, but in modicum. Anyway, I wasn’t talking about girls, but about art, so please don’t try to distract with those dirty pictures on your hard drive. Yes, I know you have them either:

1) in your recycle bin which you always keep full and never empty – you fucking perv

2) in a directory within another directory or several others so that people who are too lazy to check so many directories will give up – dirty fucker

3) you’ve hidden the directory – you slimey, sick mofucker.

I know all you tricks – and even if you’re female, it don’t count for shit, you all have porn. I don’t have porn. I don’t need porn. I have books and DVDs, and sometimes I playback 9 1/2 weeks where Basinger is doing something kinky with her fingers. No, I don’t really, but I probably might do in a different universe where masturbating is rewarded with money. I would be the richest guy in the world if that were true, because I’d make a lot of money then by myself a pneumatic, mechanical penis which doubles as a can opener. Happy days.

Back to the topic. I was going to do something with a forum theme, but then I thought i already did something, but I can’t rem what it was. So I thought, I hate xmas what can I do? So I was bored, really, I had this idea in my head of an alternative santa with alternative reindeers.

At first I had the thought of claws, and then I thought Fanta claws – but I didn’t want to get sued so I did whatever you see here now. Why choose diseases? It’s about as alternative as you can geet to rudolph don’t you think? Guess I could have done different types of stool samples, or perhaps deaths or something, but I don’t find gore a turn on. not that i find disease a turn on…..tho i did use textures from the disease myself – and that was fun!

Have a good Chrimbo mofuckers!