weakling ·
5 December 07

So I went to see my shrink yesterday. It was scheduled meeting, and I wasn’t expecting the shrink to be there to be honest, I thought I’d be meeting Joe Nobody and repeating myself. I was grateful, I guess, to see a familiar face there.

I had to sit and wait for about thirty-five minutes before someone came to get me. I was going to make a scene, make a complaint about the lack of time keeping that was being managed. Perhaps I would shout about how I’d like to stab somebody repeatedly unless I was seen in a timely fashion. I didn’t though, I kept quiet, and just envisioned the whole thing taking place. The massacre. It was very red, and very wet, and people were slipping over each other to get to an exit. It was quite funny now I think about it. A comedy of errors. It made me smile.

I was 2 days with the shakes, 3 days without sleep, 7 days without medication and spending an extra thirty minuts waiting on my arse was not something I could bare. I kept telling myself that I should be patient, that they’re probably seeing someone else. They probably were and it didn’t make me feel any better to be honest, and I didn’t want to wait around any more. It was the lack of sleep, the lack of medication and lack of control that was keeping me on edge, ready to topple over and collapse either from waiting or from anger.

The meeting was a bit long winded, because I hate such reviews. You have to do them now and again, in order to assess how the treatment is going, and whether they need to adjust, stop or review medication, as well as other treatment that may be going on such as therapy in its various guises. you do go over old territory, it’s almost inevitable especially with someone new assessing you. So my shrink and this new person went over the usual questions: how are you? How have you been since you started? How’s the medication? Do you have any worries? Where are you staying? What do you do when you have your “moments”? Do you still hear voices?

All the usual shit. It’s really a run down of what’s been happening, and what happens after that is that my GP gets a letter saying what we’ve discussed. After that, I don’t really know I get on as usual living my life day to day dealing with the shit, and just trying to move forward. I think 2008 has the potential to be a big year for me, especially since I could finish my course and potentially be in employment with a good rate of pay, which will be the stepping stone to moving out.

The net result of the meeting was that at the very least I got my medication on a two-week basis. The rest I have to get from my GP by getting a repeat prescription.

So yeah, I took the pussy’s way out and took my medication like a good little boy, and I even said thank you.